


Baby Eyes

by Cammerel



Category: As the World Turns
Genre: Alternate Timeline, Blind Character, Blind Luke, Blindness, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-16
Updated: 2017-10-16
Packaged: 2019-01-18 06:26:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12382728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cammerel/pseuds/Cammerel
Summary: Putting Oakdale in his rearview mirror, Luke sets his sights on Texas. Barely familiar with the town of Dallas, he gets into a car accident that renders him blind.





	Baby Eyes

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by [Adam Lambert - Music Again](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZlE0Mvih9sI).

Luke sits silently in the waiting room, glass covering him from head to toe, hands clasped in his lap.

When he first sat down, he was having problems with his sight, but now it seemed to be getting worse. Even with that, though, he couldn’t help how his heart broke listening to the woman crying next to him.

He can hear her muttering in a weak, tight voice.

“It’ll be okay, sweetie. Sweetie just keep your eyes open.”

He reaches over and gently touches her shoulder.

It seems to help, what little he can offer, but then the door across the room creaks and opens.

“Snyder.”

“That’s me,” Luke says, but shakes his head, “Can you please take this woman before me.”

“You’re next on the list, not her.”

Luke motions for the woman instead, “Please, just help her. I can wait.”

There’s silence for a moment, Luke can hear the man huff in frustration, then the terse voice returns, “Mrs. Loe, is it?”

“Yes,” Luke can hear the woman get up, thanking him before hurrying out of the room.

Over the next hour or so, Luke isn’t sure, he insists others pass him. Heart clutching with each of them. He can’t help feeling that his case can wait. Theirs can’t.

Sure, he can’t even see a thing. Sure, he can feel all the glass from the car still cutting into the skin on his neck, cheeks, in his hair. And sure, he has so much pain in his leg and shoulder that it hurts to breathe… but his life isn’t hanging in the balance.

“Mr. Snyder,” that same voice starts sharply.

Of the eight people he’s let in before him, this specific man has called him three times already.

“Please-” Luke starts, but is abruptly cut off.

“Mr. Snyder, you’ve been in that seat for the last two hours. Are you refusing treatment?”

Luke laughs nervously, “N-no, that’s not it. It’s just… I can wait.”

“Mr. Snyder,” the man starts again, “If you don’t get in here, I’m going to release you. You can’t keep making people go before you.”

Luke finally sighs and starts to stand up, moving tentatively. He walks right into something short and apologizes before he feels a strong hand grab his arm.

“You’re apologizing to a coffee table, this way.”

Luke mutters another apology as he’s ushered into the next room. He hears the door click behind him as the man leads him.

“Suffering blindness, Mr. Snyder?”

Luke is sure it’s a joke before he responds, “Yeah.”

He nearly walks into the man when the guy stops and Luke apologizes again.

“If you say ‘sorry’ again, I’m going to start collecting nickels.”

“Sorry.”

It’s silent between them when Luke hears papers ruffling and the man clears his throat.

“You didn’t report that you were blind, just having minor vision problems. I take it this is a new occurrence?”

“It started getting worse when I was seated.”

“Well, you’re talking to the right person.”

Luke felt a hand touch his shoulder, then push him to his left.

“Step up in front of you and we’ll get you weighed.”

Luke tentatively steps up onto the machine, turning slightly to the way he thinks the man is, “You never told me your name.”

“No, I didn’t,” the man responds, silent as he pulls Luke down and then seats him, helping him out of his jacket and pushing back his sleeve before wrapping something around Luke’s biceps.

It only takes a moment for the tightness to grow for Luke to realize it’s that thing that checks your blood pressure.

“I’m Dr. Reid Oliver.”

Luke smiles slightly and nods, knowing he’s not supposed to be talking during this.

Afterwards, he has to ask, “Don’t doctors normally come after this? I should be seen by a nurse, first.”

“Lucky you, right?”

Luke furrows his brows as the man helps him back up, shoving his jacket into his arms and then leading him back down the hall.

“We’re short staffed at the moment and I was bored,” the doctor says as he guides Luke into another room, closing the door behind him, “One of our nurses went into labor, another called in with the flu, and the rest are busy with other victims from the same accident you were in.”

Luke feels guilty, not that the accident was his fault, far from it, but he just hates the idea that he was involved in anything that caused so much suffering.

“Breathe normally while I check your heart.”

“Y-okay,” Luke mutters when he feels the press of the stethoscope, moving here and there along his chest and back.

“How bad were you hit?” the doctor asks then, “You don’t look that bad on the outside.”

Luke chuckles and winces with the way it twinges his shoulder, “I uh… I was hit on the driver’s side by a semi.”

“Ouch.”

“Yeah,” Luke feels a flashback to that moment, the car behind him hitting him and slinging him out into the next lane. His breath catches.

“Are you alright?”

“Just… remembering,” Luke mumbles and closes his eyes, “I saw the truck coming so I tried to relax. I-I know drunk drivers normally survive because they don’t tense up before the hit. So I tried to do that, and put my body out towards the middle of the car.”

“Smart thinking,” Dr. Oliver observes and Luke can hear that he’s impressed, “Not many people can put that together during something so traumatic.”

Luke nods weakly, wetting his lips, “Let’s just say I’ve had a lot of practice.”

There’s silence between them as Luke hears him writing.

“Well, you had no reaction to my pen light,” the doctor says finally, “Other than the eyes, what else is going on?”

“My shoulder,” Luke starts to explain before the doctor is taking his jacket away. He starts to stretch to show him and then stops, letting out a pained shudder.

Cold hands are on him, reaching through the collar of his shirt and pressing the skin along the ball of his shoulder.

“There,” Luke says before almost shouting in pain when the doctor moves his arm.

“Well, that’s no good,” Dr. Oliver’s hands pull back, “What else?”

“My leg,” Luke motions to his left.

“The one on the side of impact,” the doctor observes, “Probably took a lot of the shock, but you were walking on it.”

Luke nods, “It’s not broken, I don’t think anything is broken there, but it hurts a lot.” He feels the doctor start to check over his leg, down just above his foot as he tries to motion to it blindly, “Other than that, just my eyes.”

“And nothing /hit/ you?” Dr. Oliver asks, “You covered your head.”

“Yeah.”

The doctor is silent for a long time, finally letting out a tight breath, “Well, from what I can see, the pain in the leg is likely to be fixed by some physical therapy, the shoulder injury will need some x-rays before we can really determine where to go from here and… your eyes-”

“My eyes what?”

“I’m not a hundred percent positive, but it seems most likely you’ve experienced severe optic nerve damage.”

“Severe? Optic nerve-” Luke tries to say, before finally settling on: “What-what does that mean?”

“That means, Mr. Snyder,” the doctor pauses and Luke can feel the tense blanket of air between them thicken, “That you should prepare yourself for this to be your new norm.”

“You mean-”

“The loss of your vision may very well be permanent. And speaking as the best neurosurgeon this state and likely this country has to offer… my assessment isn’t one you should take lightly.”

Luke’s hands go numb, he can feel the pain spike up his arms, the ache, “You mean I might be blind for the rest of my life?”

* * *

“Hi, you, yeah… this isn’t what I ordered.”

The woman behind the counter stopped what she was doing and looked at Reid in a way that wasn’t all that uncommon for him.

“I’m sorry, sir. What did you order?”

“I ordered the salami, turkey, with roast pork,” Reid slaps the sandwich down on the counter in front of the woman, “This is salami, turkey, smoked ham.”

The woman started to apologize and Reid put his hand up.

“Save it for someone who cares,” he shoved a piece of paper at her, “This, in this order. And I’m gonna stand here and watch you make it so you can’t fuck it up again.”

The woman looks like she’s almost in tears, but he crosses his arms and watches her coldly until she’s ringing him up and he quickly pays, walking to the door and stopping in his footsteps as the man by it laughs lightly.

“Nice to see your social skills haven’t diminished since the last time I saw you, Dr. Oliver.”

Reid turns and immediately recognizes the striking blond hair, soft baby features, the biggest sad brown eyes he’s ever seen in his entire life and he resists the urge to quirk a smile, “Mr. Snyder.”

“Is my father,” the young man responds and that smile causes Reid’s heart to let out a weak pitter.

“Technically you never saw me.”

“Ha ha,” Luke says, smiling even wider and Reid feels like he needs to shield his eyes from it, “Blind jokes to a blind guy from a neurosurgeon.”

Reid clears his throat and motions to the seat in front of Luke, “Mind if I sit?”

“Not at all.”

Reid takes the chair and sets his sub down, pursing his lips, “It /has/ been a while,” he offers, not the best at small talk, but maybe he can talk shop, “How are your eyes?”

“Blind,” Luke responds, his unnatural ability to look almost directly at Reid is unnerving, “The pain isn’t really there anymore.”

“And your leg and shoulder?”

“/That/ pain is still there.”

Reid nods slightly, “You seem to be handling your blindness well.”

The comment should be obvious, considering how well Luke took the news that he would likely never see again. He didn’t cry or scream or get angry. He took it in stride, like a champ. It reminded Reid of a few of his child patients, how they could handle so much that most adults never could.

“Being upset about it doesn’t help anyone,” Luke says, his voice getting soft and low, “I’m fine.”

“You are,” Reid agrees, “And you haven’t considered looking into any of the upcoming changes and advances in reversing what was done to you?”

“You and I both know that that isn’t possible,” Luke responds, still smiling, “And even if it was (which is a long, long way off), who’s to say it wouldn’t go badly? Besides, I’m lucky to be alive. I’m just happy to have that.”

Reid can’t take his eyes away from Luke, his heart twisting and swelling with pride, “Not many people could settle for that.”

Luke shakes his head, “I don’t see it as settling, Dr. Oliver,” he fingers the curve of the table, finding the napkin there and cleaning up his wrappers from his sub, “I see it as being thankful for what I have. And it isn’t so bad. Sure, there are times when I wake up and get sc-... get uhm… I’m confused about why I can’t see. But with every day that goes by, I worry about it less and less.”

Reid is thankful, in some ways, that Luke can’t see the way he stares at him. How his heart breaks and his gaze mists over. He’d normally call someone’s bull shit at this point, but Luke is so sweet and sincere.

He’s unlike anyone that Reid has ever met.

It’s annoying.

_It’s beautiful._

And Reid absolutely hates the way he’s starting to feel.

He’s only seen and been around Luke a handful of times. The young man isn’t his patient anymore, and never really was, so at least he doesn’t have that to add to his confusing emotions.

He’d always considered himself immune to foolish human feelings like love and adoration. But now he’s getting a sharp, longing pang in his chest, a stirring in his veins… one that doesn’t have anything to do with cutting into someone’s brains or partaking in a one night stand to get himself back to some sense of normal.

“Reid.”

“Hmm?” Luke asks, eyes blinking, long lashes feathering his cheek bones.

Reid swallows and clears his throat, “If you want me calling you by your first name, I think it’s only fair you do the same.”

“Reid,” Luke responds, and if that smile couldn’t make his heart race any faster, there are teeth and Reid can see nearly all thirty-two of them.

“Reid,” Reid mutters and finally moves to start on his sub, “So… tell me about yourself, Luke.”

He almost glares when the smile grows once more, his big brown eyes alight, an actual goddamned chuckle coming out and Reid stuffs his mouth before he can snap at Luke to stop.

“Well, not much to say, I guess,” Luke offers, slapping his legs, “I moved down here from Illinois about seven months ago, grew up kind of on a farm. Big family-”

“Wh’ moof?”

Luke shrugs, “Big family, big drama,” he explains, the smile finally diminishing a little, “I guess I just got tired of dealing with all of it. Too many… painful memories.”

“So you came down here and got blinded instead,” Reid jokes and the fire returns to Luke’s face.

“Still better than everything I was dealing with back in Oakdale,” Luke scratches the side of his cheek, “Some of it was sad to leave, like my brother and sister. And I love my mom and dad. But it was too much. If it wasn’t drinking, it was relationship drama, if it wasn’t that it was getting expelled from college, if it wasn’t that it was getting hit on by my grandma’s new husband.”

Reid’s brows go up as Luke lists off everything, “Wow.”

“And that’s just the half of it,” Luke says and Reid can actually hear, for the first time, Luke get annoyed, “That’s all still just… surface stuff.”

Reid put down the last quarter of his sandwich, pressing his lips together. He can understand why Luke would want to get away from it all. The guy didn’t seem like he had a heart that would handle all of that without blaming nearly everything on himself. Sure, he was strong enough, Reid could tell that just by looking at him, but that kind of strength shouldn’t be constantly put to the test.

Eventually, things break.

“So you moved here,” Reid offers so that Luke can stop thinking about it and upsetting himself anymore than he already has, “Any drama here so far?”

“None that I can see.”

The comment actually causes reid to start laughing. It’s so sudden and unexpected that it startles them both.

Luke laughs as well and then finally adds when they both have calmed down enough, “I didn’t mean it like that.”

Reid wipes his mouth and wraps of the last of his sub as a snack for the car, “You tell me about your life in Oak-hell, but what are you doing here? Whatever it is can’t have been easy to continue doing after you lost your sight.”

“Actually I’m a writer,” Luke supplies, “I work odd side jobs in my free time, but it pays for the lights, so it works out.”

“So no real change?”

“Not really,” Luke shakes his head, “And at least now I can’t stare at the blank page in front of me.”

Reid chuckles.

“Made you laugh two times in less than a minute, that must be a record.”

“It is,” Reid confirms, “Having me down for small talk is also a first.”

“Why so interested?” Luke presses then.

Reid glances away for a moment, clearing his throat, “I-”

“It’s because I’m so attractive, isn’t it?” Luke guesses and Reid smiles, “Knew it. I have that effect on people.”

“Attractive isn’t the word I’d use,” Reid says before he can stop himself.

Luke lifts a brow.

Reid starts to say something when his beeper goes off and he glares down at it, “Really?”

“Go save lives.”

“You’ll be okay on your own?” Reid asks, even though he knows Luke had to have gotten here somehow.

Luke shrugs, “Yup, it was nice talking to you, Dr.-Reid.”

“You too, Luke.”

Luke smiles when Reid says his name and he offers his hand.

Reid tenses when he feels the fingers brush his waist and he takes the hand, first with one and then with both of his, “Take care of those eyes, okay?”

“Drive safely, Doctor,” Luke says and the tone of his voice causes all kinds of emotions to stir through Reid.

Before he can make anymore of a fool of himself, he leaves the restaurant.

* * *

Luke steps down from the bus and tucks the card back in his pocket. He isn’t two steps from the sidewalk when he hears a familiar voice.

“Luke!”

He smiles widely, turning in the direction of it, “Mom?”

“Oh, honey,” arms envelop him and he leans into the embrace, wrapping his arms around her as well, “Oh my God, I missed you so much, sweetie.”

“I missed you too, mom.”

He feels her pull back, her hands in his hair, “This is getting long, don’t you think?”

“Is it?” Luke asks nervously, reaching up to touch it, “I haven’t noticed.”

His mom gets silent for a moment and he feels her tense.

“Baby, why aren’t you looking at me?”

Luke lifts his brows, “Oh… uh…” he wets his lips, “Uh, about that.”

“‘About that’ what, Luke?”

“Don’t get angry, mom.”

His mom starts to raise her voice, “Don’t get angry? What’s going on, Luke?”

“I got into an accident back in July-”

“Back in July!? And accident?”

Luke winces at the words and reaches around to his back pocket, pulling out the sunglasses, “Yeah, and I-”

“Oh God, Luke!” his mom says and he can hear her cover her mouth, “Baby, why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t want you to worry.”

“Worry?” she asks and he can hear the anger finally coming to her voice, “About my oldest son losing sight in his eyes? About you being in an accident? What happened?”

Luke sighs as he motions out, “Let’s get to the car, I’m sure there are people around, staring at us.”

“Alright, honey,” he feels her take his arm and he lets himself be guided even though it bothers him, “What kind of accident?”

“This car hit my back bumper and slung me out into oncoming traffic,” he hears her gasp, so he’s quick to comfort her, “Relax, okay, you know I’m alive and walking and talking right now, I’m okay.”

“You’re blind, Luke!”

“Yeah,” Luke shrugs, “I guess the force of the crash caused some optic nerve damage and I started to lose sight in both eyes.”

He hears her open the car door and help him inside, “Do you need me to buckle you up, sweetie?”

“I got it,” he tells her, smiling sheepishly as he folds up his white cane and tucks it by his side.

* * *

It takes a while to talk his mom down, to finally get things back off of him and about his family. He didn’t come home to Oakdale for Christmas to hear everyone complaining and asking about his lost eyesight. He’d be honest if he said he had forgotten to even mention it.

He could tell his mom still wanted to talk about it, but she kept her questions and concerns quiet during dinner.

Luke spent the first few days back in his old room and then finally decided to stretch his legs and see how he’d manage around Oakdale on his own.

It was his first time wandering around it without sight, but he could still put pictures to sound. Especially when he entered Java.

The moment he was through the doors, he could smell the coffee, he could imagine the tables, the counters, the barista. He stepped up to the counter and before he could say or ask for anything, there was the familiar voice behind him, calling out in surprise.

“Luke?”

Luke turned to the sound of the voice and frowned, “Noah?”

“Luke, I thought it was you.”

Luke pulled his white cane in close and lifted his brows, “Yup, that’s me,” he offers and shrugs, “Long time no see.”

“I’ll say.”

Luke turns back, quickly ordering his drink.

“It’s on me,” Noah says from his side and Luke starts to object, “It’s on me, ignore him.”

Luke narrows his eyes and turns to where he can tell Noah is standing, staring upwards, “Noah-”

“Luke,” Noah says and grabs his arm, leading him over to a table and Luke pulls his arm away.

“What are you doing?”

“You’re blind,” Noah explains.

“Yeah, no kidding. I’m blind, Noah, not three.”

Noah is silent for a moment before laughing, “I was just trying to help, forgive me if I wanna help.”

“The last time I saw you-”

“We were both a mess,” Noah cuts him off, “Okay? It’s over. We can /not/ talk about it, you know.”

Luke tenses and turns when he hears his order. He starts to move when Noah puts his hand on his chest.

“I got it, you sit down.”

Luke doesn’t sit, he stands still, waiting for Noah to come back and offer him his frappuccino.

“It’s been a while, though,” Noah starts back up again, “You look good-”

Luke grabs the drink and reaches out for Noah’s shoulder to gauge where he is. Then he opens the drink and flings it in Noah’s face.

He unfolds his white cane and turns, leaving Java and Noah behind.

* * *

“Oh, honey, you know Noah just loves you,” his mom says as she sits down beside him, offering him a bottle of water, “He just doesn’t understand how these things work, you’ve gotta give him time.”

“You didn’t see how he was,” Luke defends himself, “And he’s always been like that, people don’t just change.”

“They do when they love each other.”

“Like you and dad?” Luke asks rhetorically, “Yeah, that’ll never be me and Noah. That ship sailed a long time ago.”

“Don’t say that-”

Luke stands up from the table, “I’m so sick and tired of everyone talking about me and Noah like we’ve been together since I was five, like-like we’re star-crossed lovers. We’re not the gay Bob and Kim, we’re not like you and dad were. Me and him are over and there’s a reason we’re over. I nearly killed myself because of him and just stupid squinty eyes and my family’s love for him aren’t gonna make that okay. Not now, not ever.”

He can’t see it, but he can practically hear his mother’s eyes widen at his outburst, but he won’t take it back. He refuses to take it back.

He’s heard her prattle on about Noah and him ever since she saw him at the bus station, and he’s had it.

“Luke, I-”

“No, mom,” Luke raises his voice, “I’m sorry, but I didn’t come back here to hear you tell me how my last failed relationship - my /only/ relationship - should be my last. I’ve never been with anyone else. Don’t I have a say in what I do next?”

“Of course you do-”

“/Of course I do/,” Luke says, his tone final, and then he turns from the table, “I’m sorry, I can’t do this. I thought I could, but… but I can’t.”

It’s the second time in a day that he’s stormed out of a conversation, but it’s about time he started standing up for himself.

Later, he’ll call and apologize and tell her he loves her. He’ll say he’s sorry for leaving before Christmas. But it’s too early for him to come back to Oakdale. He’ll feel a longing for the home he used to love with all of his heart. But he’ll know that that’s behind him, and Dallas is in front of him.

* * *

“I thought you of all people wouldn’t be out and about on Christmas Eve.”

Luke glances towards the sound of his voice, smiling, “Dr. Oliver?”

“Reid,” Reid corrects him and offers a seat at the table to the blind man, “You can join me, if you want.”

“I’m just here for a quick bite.”

Ried nods in understanding, “Well, don’t let me hold you up.”

He starts to turn back to his food when Luke sits down anyway. For a blind man, he’s so elegant and careful, not even stumbling to find it.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean that as anything personal.”

“You don’t have to apologize to me, Luke,” Reid says and feels the tense state of his shoulders begin to wane, “Why aren’t you up in Illinois, with your family? In... what was it called? Oak-hell?”

Luke smiles wider and Reid wants to curse everything that is holy, “Oakdale. I-I was…” he frowns then and Reid feels like he might be able to ignore the racing of his heart, “I went up for a few days, nothing’s changed. I… I dunno, maybe I’m not right for Oakdale anymore.”

“Or maybe it’s not right for you.”

A woman comes over to take Luke’s order and Reid observes him as he asks a few questions about the dishes, and then offers back the menu.

“You should be there,” Reid says then, “Not that I’m gonna force you onto a plane. But no one should be alone this time of year. What’d they do that made you leave?”

“Drama,” Luke complains as the woman sets down his drink, “I thought I was being paranoid, staying inside for the first few days. But less than an hour or two outside of it…” he shakes his head, “Everyone kept… it’s nothing.”

Reid lifts a brow, “You’re not even really talking about it and it’s working you up. That bad?”

“You know, for a guy that hates small talk, you sure like to ask about me.”

“What can I say, I’m a chatterbox once you get me going.”

Luke laughs and Reid appreciates that he realizes it was a joke, but not one that was meant as an insult. He hates that he wants to make Luke laugh even more.

“Speaking of small talk, nice hair cut,” Reid comments before sipping his soda.

He watches Luke’s hand jump up and touch it, “Oh, yeah,” he nods as he feels the front and back of it, “I can’t see it… is it horrible?”

“No, it’s nice,” Reid admits, and when has he /ever/ said the word ‘nice’ in reference to anything? “It makes you look less like a _Backstreet Boy_ and more like _Adam Lambert_.”

“I’m surprised you know who either of those people are.”

“Let’s just keep that between us, shall we?”

Luke laughs again, the silence settling between them as Reid stares at the beautiful man sitting across from him.

“It’s a shame you won’t be up there with your family,” he finds himself saying before he can stop it, “But it’s their loss, my gain.”

“Your gain?”

“My gain,” Reid confirms, “I get your company for dinner today. Sounds like a win in my book.”

Luke laughs a third time, a sound that Reid could really, /really/ get used to, “Why, Dr. Oliver… are you flirting with me?”

Reid wants to feel guilty, ashamed, but he fucking doesn’t, “Would it be so bad if I was?”

Luke’s cheeks turn so pink then, his big brown eyes wide and surprised, the teasing tone in his voice gone when he speaks again, “I… I… no?” he guesses, “I don’t… I don’t think so.”

Reid smirks at the innocent flounder, “ _Good_.”

He watches the tongue stick out of Luke’s mouth and swipe quickly over his lips, “Reid… I think... I mean, you have to understand-”

Luke stops when the food is placed down in front of him and he thanks the waitress.

Reid lets him eat before bringing it up again, “You were going to say something, before?”

“Yeah,” Luke wipes his mouth with the napkin, crumpling it up and putting it on his plate, “Look, I don’t want to be a mood killer, but I also don’t want to get your hopes up, or-or play games with you.”

“Alright,” Reid responds, tone teasing.

“Reid, I’m serious.”

“So am I,” Reid motions out to Luke, smiling, “What are you going to tell me? That you’re not ready? That you can’t get into anything serious?”

Luke’s cheek flush more and more as Reid talks, but he finally speaks up, “This is hardly the place the this kind of conversation.”

“So let me drive you home,” Reid offers.

“You think I can’t take care of myself.”

It isn’t a question, but Reid decides to answer it anyway, “I /know/ you can take care of yourself. You’re more capable than half the idiots in this restaurant. But I like you, and I wanna talk to you about this, and having something as beautiful as you sitting in the passenger’s side seat of my car, well… I’ll admit, the thought isn’t a bad one.”

Luke’s eyes widen and Reid can tell he wants to hide behind his hands, “Oh God, you can’t talk about me like that.”

“I can’t? Why not?” Reid lowers his voice, “You’ve probably heard it a thousand times, what’s one more person?”

“You-you can’t, and I haven’t,” Luke looks away, even though he can’t see, “People… no one… people don’t talk about me like that.”

“Let me drive you home, you can pay for dinner if you feel that evens the playing field.”

Luke smiles at that and nods, “O-okay, that’s fair.”

* * *

When Reid parks at the apartment, he turns off the car and looks at Luke, “You have a roommate?”

Luke nods slightly, seeming nervous, “Yeah, but she’s never home, and she works nights. And when she /is/ home, she sleeps the whole time.”

“Not that I’m asking so I can get in your pants,” Reid offers then, “You don’t mind if I stay and talk?”

“Just talking?”

“Just talking,” Reid holds his hands up.

Luke nods then and the two of them climb out of the car.

Reid doesn’t offer a hand for support, just follows behind Luke and watches as he unlocks the front door.

He stops as he walks inside, eyes wide at all of the Christmas decorations, “Wow, someone has the holiday cheer.”

“Is it too much?”

“It’s a lot,” Reid observes as Luke locks the door behind them, “You did this? All of it? Why?”

Luke shrugs, “I know I can’t see it, but… I dunno, it didn’t feel right without it.”

Reid laughs, watching Luke longingly, “You really are something, Mr. Snyder.”

Luke smiles back and offers a hand out to the couch, “Sit, you want anything to drink?”

“You don’t, by any chance, have a beer?”

Luke frowns, “Uhm, my roommate might.”

“I don’t have to drink that,” Reid offers, noticing how Luke tenses up, “I take it you don’t drink?”

“Sober for about eight months?” Luke shrugs, then takes off his jacket, “No, I don’t drink.”

Reid takes that to heart, keeping it inside and observing Luke. He would’ve never guessed, not for a second, “You seem-”

“What?” Luke asks as he walks to the kitchen, “Sane? For an alcoholic?”

Reid mouths for a moment, “Well, I wouldn’t say that.”

“It’s okay if you do,” Luke returns and offers him a bottle of water before taking a seat on the couch next to him.

Reid notices the closeness, not sure if it was intended, but Luke doesn’t try to correct it, “I was going to say that you seem like the kind of person that wouldn’t drink themselves into a hole like that.”

“Yeah, well I did,” Luke sips his water, “I did a lot of stupid stuff. Hurt a lot of people.”

“I can’t even imagine you hurting someone,” Reid says, not intending for his voice to go as low as it does, “What did you do, hug them too hard?”

Luke reaches out and slaps Reid on the shoulder, “I’m being serious. I really… did hurt a lot of people.”

Reid swallows tightly and stares at Luke, the silence growing between them for a moment, “Is that why you don’t want to get my hopes up? You think you’ll hurt me.”

“You’re reading into it a lot,” Luke offers, “That’s a lot further down the road. But... yes, that’s part of it.”

“What else?”

“Reid-”

“What else, Luke?” Reid presses, “Tell me why I can’t lean over and kiss you right now.”

Luke’s eyes widen and he pulls back a little, “I… I… because you can’t.”

“Explain.”

Luke sighs, laying his head back onto the couch and looking towards Reid, “You really want me to get into all the ‘why not’s?”

Reid nods silently, not saying anymore.

“Okay,” Luke folds, “Why not? Because I have baggage. Like… a lot of baggage. And there’s drama. I run away from it but I’m like a magnet or something. And if we did get serious, you’d have to meet my family and I don’t wanna do that to you. It’d kill you. It’d kill what kindness you have. And you deserve better, you do. We’ve only talked a few times, but I feel like I know you. You’re kind and you already hide your heart and I would just use and abuse it like I destroy everything else.”

Reid’s eyes widen, keeping silent to let Luke get it all out before saying anything else.

“And it’s been a long time, a long… long time, since I’ve been with someone. And I’ve only ever been with one other person. There was a lot of problems with that, a lot of manipulation and gaslighting and pain. And I don’t know if I’ll ever be okay again. I’m not ready for something serious. I don’t know when I will be and I don’t wanna string you along. Because even if we did, if we wanted to start this… I wouldn’t be… I wouldn’t want sex, not right away. And I can tell that’s what you want.”

“You can?”

“You’re… older, a lot older. I honestly don’t know how /much/ older.”

“I couldn’t be your father.”

Luke smiles sadly, “I can’t give you that, Reid, I can’t.”

“You’re right, that is what I want,” Reid confirms, seeing the knowing expression on Luke’s face, “But you’re wrong about the rest.”

“Am I?”

“You are.”

“Well, Dr. Reid Oliver, tell me how I’m wrong.”

“I don’t just want sex,” Reid starts to list off, “If I did, I could get it… easily. I respect you, and I’m okay with playing it slow, as slow as you need. Baggage isn’t a problem, we all have it, that’s life. And the drama with your family would come and go. And if you’re looking for someone that /doesn’t/ play games, that isn’t that kind of guy, that wouldn’t hurt you and make you think horrible things about yourself… well, as much of a miracle as it is… that’s me.”

Luke stares in his direction for a long moment, then he says, softly, “I don’t know if I’m ready to start something up.”

Reid swallows tight and nods, “If you’re not ready, you’re not ready. But, it doesn’t have to start serious.”

“What are you suggesting?”

“That you allow yourself to play the field a little,” Reid offers and then quickly explains himself when Luke makes a face, “I’m not saying get the guys to line up and have them take their turns. I’m saying… allow yourself to enjoy something that doesn’t have strings attached.”

“With you?”

“Preferably,” Reid shrugs, “But it doesn’t have to be me if you don’t want it to be. I wouldn’t mind a monogamous… casual… thing.”

“With sex.”

Reid starts to stammer a little, “Not with sex, not if… not if you don’t want it to. It doesn’t-why does everything have to be about sex with you?”

Luke smiles widely, “Because you’re a man and I’m a man and we both know where our minds go.”

“My mind doesn’t have to go there if I don’t want it to,” Reid says, tone softening again, “And I’m not pushing. If it’s what you want, take your time. If not, don’t. That’s all I’m offering.”

Luke keeps his gaze directed at Reid, wetting his lips, “You’d really be okay if I said ‘no’?”

“I would be. No pressure from this side of the couch.”

He watches Luke laugh and- _god, how is this young man real?_

“You still wanna kiss me?”

Reid blinks, but hastily nods, “I do.”

“Do it.”

* * *

Luke almost stops himself from saying it, but he wants it, his whole body wants it. He hasn’t had something physical in so long. And after the way his and Noah’s relationship had been, he does want something. He really wants something just for himself, something good.

He feels Reid’s hand touch his jaw, and then there are lips pressed against his. Luke feels his whole body react, parts of him that have been ignored, pushed to the back of his mind, practically groan as they wake back up. He turns into the kiss, his mouth opening, his hands reaching out, his knees pulling up onto the couch so that he can get more leverage.

Reid’s hand moves from his cheek to the back of his head and then there’s a tongue in his mouth and Luke lets out the weakest, the most desperate whimper when it flicks against his.

He had intended for it to just be a kiss, a simple kiss, something that was nice and maybe a little chaste. But now that he’s had a taste for it, he wants more. He climbs up, wrapping his legs around Reid’s hips and settling in his lap, his arms moving around, hands pulling at the hair he finds at the crown of Reid’s skull.

Before he’s had a chance to think about what he’s doing, he rocks his hips, his breath escaping him for a moment. And then he snaps out of it.

Luke turns his head away, dropping it to Reid’s shoulder as he shudders and aches, “Oh god, I’m sorry.”

“I’m not,” he hears Reid, his voice low and husky, his hands on Luke’s waist, “Admit it, you needed it.”

“I do,” Luke says before he can stop himself and he feels the blush touch his ears, “I did, I mean.”

“You still need it.”

“I’m sorry,” Luke manages out, keeping his face buried, “I don’t mean to play with you like this, I just… I guess I underestimated-”

“It’s fine, Luke,” Reid reassures him, “More than fine. I told you, but maybe you didn’t understand. I’m ready for anything you need. If you need more, I’m here, if you need less… that’s okay too.”

Luke finally turns his head, his nose against Reid’s neck, “It doesn’t bother you?”

Reid chuckles, “Nope.” There’s a hand in his hair and Luke feels the fingers curl, “You don’t have to apologize to everyone, all the time. You have nothing to be sorry for.”

“I can’t help it,” Luke mumbles as he pulls back, still worked up from the kiss, “Maybe I do want… _a little more_.”

He can’t see it, but he recognizes when the mood changes back.

“A little more?” Reid asks, his voice low in his chest, “I’m game.”

“Nothing under the clothes,” Luke says quickly, the words rushing out, “Just… I want-”

“More,” Reid cuts him off and then Luke gasps when Reid moves and suddenly he’s pressed on his back on the couch, Reid on top of him.

He expects a kiss, what he doesn’t expect is where. First on his cheek, then his chin and temple, and then his forehead. Luke closes his eyes and breathes out of his nose.

Hands move from his waist to grab his legs and Luke lets out a loud groan when Reid rocks down against him.

Immediately, he can feel how hard the other man is, catches the shudder above him and Luke smiles. He likes knowing that he’s desired, that he’s _wanted_. He hasn’t felt like that… probably since… no, he doesn’t want to think about that creep and what he put Luke through, taking advantage of him…

He drowns out the thoughts by moaning out Reid’s name over and over, arching his hips up, hands moving to touch his face. He tries to get an idea of the man on top of him, his build, his features.

Before he can do much searching, Reid rocks against him in a way that causes Luke’s head to snap back.

He was going to try and slow this down so he didn’t make a fool of himself, but then he’s loud and practically screaming and coming in his pants like a thirteen year old.

“Oh my god,” he says when he can actually get something out and he starts to cover his face in embarrassment.

He feels kisses on his hands and neck.

“Calm down,” Reid responds, pulling his arms away before he starts kissing Luke’s face.

Luke smiles shyly and tentatively touches Reid’s shoulder, “It’s embarrassing.”

“It’s not,” Reid reassures him and Luke feels his heart flutter, “You said you haven’t been touched like this in a long time. And even then... believe it or not, most men don’t take hours to come, like porn would have you think.”

“You’re just saying that to comfort me.”

“I’m not,” Reid says, “I’m not a nice guy like that. Honestly, most sex is over in fifteen to twenty minutes.”

Luke blinks at that, that can’t be true. Can it?

“Seriously?”

“Seriously.”

Luke allows himself to smile again, finally, and then lets out a huff of breath, “That’s hilarious. And makes a lot of sense, I guess.”

He feels Reid kissing him all over still and he leans into it, closing his eyes and allowing himself to relax back against the couch. His hand moves back up for a moment, tentative.

“Hey, can I…”

“Hm?”

“I just wanted to…” Luke feels like an idiot for wanting it, “I mean, I don’t know what you look like.”

Reid responds after a long second, “Combover, buck teeth, beer belly.”

“Liar,” Luke says, smiling.

“You caught me.”

“Can I touch you?”

Reid settles down against him, quiet again before speaking softly, “Yeah, go ahead.”

Luke reaches up again, fingers spread as they start to brush what he can assume are cheeks. He feels out a strong, sharp cheekbone, thin lips, low brows, and that nose.

“What color are your eyes?”

“Red.”

Luke laughs and shakes his head, “No, really. Come on, I can’t see… I wanna know.”

“Blue,” Reid says then and Luke can hear the smile on his face, “My skin is a bit redder than yours and I have auburn hair.”

“Curly hair,” Luke observes, “Makes me think of Alexander the Great.”

Reid actually laughs at that, “Yeah, well, you might not be far off. Although when I was twenty, I was far from becoming a king.”

Luke grins and leans up to kiss Reid again, “Okay.”

“Okay?”

Luke clears his throat, “Maybe I… might be ready for this to be a little serious.”

“Why, Mr. Snyder, are you telling me that all I had to do was get you to orgasm to make you want to consider dating me?”

“Reid!” Luke shrieks and smacks his cheek lightly, “I… I… I mean I guess.”

“Mmm,” Reid hums and Luke feels the lips start tracing his jawline, “My kind of guy.”


End file.
